


It's Been a Year (And I Still Love You)

by Not_So_Mundane_After_All_97



Category: Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Platonic Relationships, Team as Family, rated t just to be safe, trigger warnings list in the notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25941421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_So_Mundane_After_All_97/pseuds/Not_So_Mundane_After_All_97
Summary: On the first anniversary of Melissa Roth's death Dick and Rachel go on a trip to Traverse City, Rachel's hometown. She gets the chance to deal with her unresolved grief while Dick has an opportunity to learn more about her childhood and life before their paths crossed.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Koriand'r & Garfield Logan & Raven, Dick Grayson & Rachel Roth, Dick Grayson & Raven, Rachel Roth & Melissa Roth
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	It's Been a Year (And I Still Love You)

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! I'm back with a new story. We're taking a break from toothrooting fluff, this time we're getting serious (doesn't mean there's no fluff, you know I can't live without fluff.  
> This one might get heavy for some of you, that's why I rated it Teen and Up, just in case. Though I tried to be very gentle with this, there are hinted topics here that might be triggering, I will list everything below. But there's nothing graphic and I didn't go far beyond canon - if you watch the pilot episode closely, you can easily figure all of these things out by yourself. I did and I wanted to adress it for a long time, since the show didn't. In conclusion - Rachel's childhood must have been difficult, there must be a lot of trauma related to it and the show just completely ignored it, so I'm bringing it back to the surface. I hope you enjoy this very, v e r y long fic and let me know what are your thoughts on the topic. It would be great if this work started a discussion.
> 
> Here's the list of additional warnings:  
> \- hints of emotional abuse and child neglect  
> \- mentions of alcoholism and medication abuse  
> \- bullying  
> \- mention of canon-typical violence  
> \- mention of canon character's death

The smell of coffee and fried bacon slowly drew other team members out of their bedrooms and into the kitchen. They were all more or less battered after last night's mission, from which they returned very late. Cuts and bruises marked everyone's bodies, not to mention internal injuries, so soon the kitchen was filled with complaining and groaning. Dick had his own set of bruises as well, but he was used to it, so he got up first to make a hearty, celebratory breakfast for everyone - bacon and fried eggs, waffles with whipped cream and variety of fresh fruits, coffee and hot cocoa. 

Gar marched into the room, coughing sharply and pounding his fist to the chest. 

"Guys… I think I- caught something- yesterday." he panted heavily. Rose walked past him, coffee mug in hand, and grinned.

"Are you sure?" she asked and hit him with her open hand between his shoulder blades. The boy leaned forward and coughed sharply, covering his mouth with his hand. Then he looked at it and laughed.

"Ah, guess not. It's just a lint." 

Everyone made a sound of disgust as he raised his fist clenched around a tuft of green tiger furr. A choir of _ews_ and _blehs_ carried through the area. Dick only chuckled and focused back on cooking.

"Gar, please - get rid of this, wash your hands and sit down." Kory said firmly as she placed two blueberry covered waffles on a plate. "Your breakfast is ready." 

"Awesome! Thanks, Kory." he said cheerfully and did as she told him. Then he collapsed on one of the stools and began devouring the food like a vacuum cleaner. 

"Hey, slow down!" Dawn laughed warmly from over her plate. 

"Give him a break." Donna nudged her arm and rolled her eyes. "I've seen him eat larger chunks much faster." 

"Thanks Donna!" Gar replied with a mouth full of berries. "This is my hidden talent." 

"One of many." Kory added as she walked by and ruffled the boy's hair. He purred like… well, like a _cat_ at her touch, which earned him a burst of laughter from the rest of the team.

"Hey, has anyone seen our little witch?" Hank asked, rubbing his sore arm. His shoulder was covered with a large green and purple bruise. "I could use a healing hand."

"Rachel is still asleep." Dick announced shortly, sticking a fork into a piece of bacon on his own plate. "I think she overdid it a bit last night and could barely stand on her feet when we came back. I'm not sure if you will get the speedy treatment today, Hank." 

As much as he tried, Dick couldn't hide the worry in his voice. Last night, Rachel was exhausted beyond belief after several hours of nonstop use of her powers. The tricks she was doing took a lot of energy out of her, and although she was the least physically injured of them all, she was the most tried. When he carried her to bed, she was already soundly asleep. He and Kory decided in the morning that they won't wake her up. They will let her rest and get up on her own when she wants to. 

He was just finishing making her favorite coffee with an extra dose of sugar when she finally showed up in the kitchen. 

"Hey, look who's finally up!" Gar exclaimed cheerfully, making all eyes turn to look at her. 

The sight was a little disturbing.

Rachel was terribly pale, dark circles rounding her blue eyes. She looked like she didn't sleep at all, but Dick had seen her fall asleep in his arms. She couldn't keep her eyes open for more than a few seconds.

Could yesterday's exhaustion have its consequences?

She walked over to the kitchen island and took a seat on the stool next to Gar. Her movements were slow, sluggish even, and there was a grumpy grimace on her face. Without looking at anyone, she placed a waffle with cream and strawberries on her plate and began to eat without a word. 

"Good morning, sweetheart!" Dick said with a smile as he put her coffee in front of her, then leaned in to kiss her cheek. She always laughed when he did that, but now her face stayed still. No reaction. "How did you sleep?" 

"Fine." she mumbled and took a sip of her coffee. She was eating very slowly - she cut the waffle to pieces but ate only a bit. Dick and Kory exchanged a concerned glance. 

"Did you get enough rest?" the woman asked, sitting down in front of the girl. The only answer she got was a blank shrug. Rachel didn't even look up at her, which was completely not like her. 

Something was wrong. Everyone saw it. 

"Uh… Rach?" Gar asked carefully. "Me, Rose and Conner are going out later, as we planned yesterday. You're coming with us, right?" 

"I don't feel like it, Gar." 

"But you said yesterday you would go!" Conner called her out from the couch in the living room where he and Hank were watching TV. Rachel let out an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed. 

"I changed my mind." 

"Oh stop it!" Rose said, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at her. "Ears up! Drop that pouting face and-" 

The fork hit the plate loudly. 

"I said _no_ , okay?" Rachel hissed through gritted teeth. She stared back, lightning bolts shooting from her eyes. "Leave me alone, will you?" 

Dick moved towards her. 

"Rachel, what's-" but she had already stood up and turned on her heel, then walked quickly towards the hallway, leaving her food almost untouched. 

Nobody spoke for a good minute. Everyone was shocked. Kory sighed heavily and sat down, hiding her face in her hands. Gar looked lost and confused, while Rose just shook her head in disappointment and joined the guys on the couch. 

Dick leaned against the counter and closed his eyes. Something must have happened for Rachel to react this way. Feeling the eyes of Gar and the three women seated around him, he straightened his back and let out a sigh. 

"I'll go talk to her."

* * *

He found her on the roof. She was sitting on a segmented wall, her back to him, her legs thrown over the edge. Her eyes were fixed on the San Francisco skyline bathed in the morning sun, but she must have sensed his presence because she didn't even flinch as he approached and sat down beside her. Neither of them spoke for a long moment. Dick didn't want to press her, he wanted her to open up to him on her own, but Rachel was stubbornly silent. Her hands were gripping the concrete tightly, and she was staring at the horizon as if she wanted to see something specific. Her lips formed a long, thin line, and her chest rose and fell in a steady, deliberate rhythm as she breathed the air in and out through her nose exactly every three seconds. He already knew her well enough to have no problem deciphering her body language - Rachel was trying her best not to cry in front of him.

This worried him, and his patience waned. If something was bothering her, and it was serious enough to force her to hide from everyone, then he wanted to know why. He didn't want to be intrusive - he'd prefer her to come to him herself with this problem, she knew she could tell him anything. But his heart clenched at the sight he had in front of him.

"Okay, what's going on?" he asked, trying to keep his voice as calm and gentle as possible. Rachel turned her head to the other side, so now he couldn't see her face at all. "You look like you haven't slept all night - which I know is not true, I put you to bed myself. You're barking at everyone like a wild dog, you barely touched your breakfast and now you're hiding up here."

Her shoulders slumped heavily as she took a deep, shaky breath. But she still hadn't turned around. So he scooted a bit closer and put his hand over hers.

"Rachel, please - talk to me." he said in a low voice, leaning in to her. "I'm really starting to get worried."

His words finally caused a reaction - Rachel turned to look down at his hand and after a while her fingers curled around his.

"You really shouldn't worry this much." she murmured as her lips curved into a thin smile. But she still refused to look at him, and it was driving him crazy. She was doing it on purpose knowing that he'll be able to read her like an open book once their eyes meet. She had told him once it's his super power, knowing her better than she knows herself. And he wished that was an actual thing because he could really use it right now. His brain was coming up with the worst scenarios and he couldn't resist asking the question once it crossed his mind.

"Has anything happened last night I don't know about?"

He must've sound really scared because Rachel finally looked up at him, eyes wide in surprise.

"No! Of course not!" she assured him, squeezing his hand. "Dick, I told you I was fine. It's not- it's not about the mission."

Her head fell down and she'd gone quiet again. She kept staring at their joined hands for a long moment and Dick wondered if his efforts had gone to nothing but then her quiet voice broke through the silence.

"It's been a year."

She leaned closer and rested her head on his shoulder, then looked again at the buildings in front of them and took a deep breath, as if saying her next words was going to come with great effort to her.

"Today is exactly one year since my mom, Melissa, died."

Dick sighed and closed his eyes, mentally kicking himself. He should've figured this day would come eventually. Now her behaviour made perfect sense. He knew too damn well how hard this day could be for her, so he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of her head.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel." he whispered into her hair. "I should have known."

"It's okay." she replied quietly, snuggling closer. 

Silence fell between them again and Dick simply held her, watching white clouds move through the blue sky. He felt lost, had no idea what to do or say. He didn't know much about the woman who raised her. Rachel hadn't shared much about her, just that Melissa was a nurse, she knew about her powers (probably more than her daughter was aware of at the time) and she was a very catholic person. He vaguely remembered her face from pictures he'd seen in police reports and Kory's research. And Rachel herself never mentioned her either so he didn't ask. 

"I'm sorry for the way I acted back there." she said suddenly and he looked down at her. She tucked her head under his chin and pressed her cheek to his collarbone. "I was just… angry, I guess."

"Why?"

She released a deep sigh.

"Because I didn't remember about it until it came to me today and I realised that- that I don't even think about her these days. I haven't in months." 

Dick nodded slowly in understanding.

"And let me guess - you feel guilty."

She lifted her head up to look at him, her brows furrowed in concern.

"I should, right? I mean, she was my mom…"

"No, Rach. You don't have to feel guilty because of it." he told her, locking his eyes with her. He moved his hand up and down her arm, stroking it comfortingly before speaking again. "Not thinking about her often doesn't mean you're going to forget her. It's not a bad thing. You've just moved on, that's all."

"You think so?"

"Absolutely." he nodded with a smile and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm not the best example on the _moving on_ part, but I know how it is to realise someone is not on your mind anymore. It's been almost twenty years since my parents died. Do I miss them? Of course. But they're not constantly in my thoughts anymore. And that's okay."

Rachel nodded and leaned against him again, slipping her arms around his waist. He pulled her close and rested his chin on top of her head. She was silent, probably thinking over everything he just said. So he let her and squeezed her tighter, rubbing her arm comfortingly with his hand. Minutes have passed as they watched the city life below, people and cars moving through the streets, small like insects from their point of view. Rachel was swinging her legs in the air from time to time, hitting the soles of her sneakers against the side of the building, making Dick unconsciously tighten his grip around her, securing her so she wouldn't fall off. She giggled quietly at his protectiveness and bumped their knees together, entangling her leg with his. He smiled at her antics, happy that her mood had gotten better and dropped another kiss on her head, pulling her back to his chest. 

"I had a dream about you that night." she said quietly as she melted into his embrace. "Right before everything happened."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Dick still couldn't completely wrap his head around the fact that Rachel had seen his parents death in her dreams long before she met him. It's almost like them entering each other's lives wasn't as accidental as it seemed. 

"I woke up screaming in the middle of the night, there was a big storm outside." she continued. "And she came in, right away, like she was just waiting outside the door for me to wake up."

Dick looked down and saw her staring out into the distance, her smile slowly fading. Rachel was lost in a memory, speaking about those events for the very first time. So he stayed quiet, only gave her an encouraging squeeze and rested his head back against hers, focusing only on her voice. 

"I was crying, telling her everything. She must have known this dream as well as I did at this point." she chuckled bitterly into his shoulder. "And she gave me her usual _everything is gonna be okay_ speech. I, uh… I didn't really believe her, but what choice did I have?"

She took a break to collect her thoughts. Folding her hands on her lap, she started playing with that little blue ring she always had on her finger. He noticed that she never took it off, so it must have been connected to Melissa in some way. 

"She was shaken in the morning, late for work again." Rachel sighed, continuing her story. "I must have had another… _attack_ , as she called it. My powers had been all over the place, especially after nightmares, but whenever I tried to talk to her about it, all she wanted to do was _pray_."

The way she spat that last word out, like a profanity, soaked with venom and disgust, sent cold shivers down his spine. 

"She swore she wasn't afraid of me, but I knew she was lying." she said as she took the little blue jewel off and brought it closer to her face to examine it better in bright daylight. She turned it around between her fingers, letting the sun reflect on the ring's polished surface. It wasn't anything fancy, a dollar store thing, nothing much.

"I saw it in her face many times, that morning was no different. She kept her distance from me, barely looked at me. But I kept pushing, kept asking. I was sick of her refusing to tell me anything. But instead she fell on her knees in front of me, grabbed my hands and started praying. Like it was supposed to fucking cure me or something."

In a fit of anger she threw the ring away, letting it disappear and drop somewhere few hundred feet below them. She kept looking down though, like she was trying to spot it then reached out with her hand and released a string of black smoke. Few seconds later the ring was back in her hand. She put it on her finger without even looking at it.

"I snapped at her, you know… the way I used to, black eyes and everything." Rachel said after a moment of silence, leaning into him again. Her voice was filled with sadness and regret. "After that I just… took off. Grabbed my bag and left to school."

Dick felt his heart breaking for her. She loved her mom, but it's clear their relationship wasn't perfect. It just now came to him that he knew absolutely nothing about her childhood. Maybe there was a reason Rachel never shared anything. Has it always been like that for her? No talking, just praying? Avoiding problems instead of resolving them? Lack of understanding and communication?

He wanted to say something, to comfort her, show support - but he didn't know how. His brain felt empty, he couldn't find words to articulate his thoughts. All he could do was hold her, but it felt like it wasn't enough this time. She was curled into him, with her head under his chin and hands folded again on her lap. She kept her eyes closed and breathed deeply, like she was resting, gathering her strength. He had a feeling the story wasn't over but he knew better than to push - if Rachel wanted to continue it, she would. 

Suddenly he felt her trembling slightly against him. Looking down he saw a tear rolling down her cheek. She wiped it off with a swift move of her hand but her lips were pressed into a thin line to stop them from quivering. She drew in a shaky breath through her nose, then slowly released it through her mouth before speaking again.

"I was so mad at her back then, because she didn't understand me." she said with a broken voice. "But maybe… maybe I didn't understand her either. I didn't know how hard it was for her to keep everything together… If I could talk to her right now…"

"I know." he whispered before pressing a kiss to her forehead. He had spent many years wishing for the very same thing. "Shh, I know."

"I haven't even seen her grave." she sobbed into his shirt. "I didn't think about it before. I don't even know where she's buried."

That sparked an idea in Dick's head, pieces of a plan slowly coming together.

"You can find out." he said, leaning away so he could look at her face. She looked back at him with her brows furrowed in confusion. "We can go. It's still pretty early, I think I can get us plane tickets to Detroit. We'll be there in two hours. Then it's just a four hour drive to Traverse City, but with the right car I can get us there in three… If that's what you want, of course."

Rachel kept staring at him with wide eyes filled with tears. Letting out a small sniffle she smiled at him.

"You'd really do that for me?"

He grinned back at her and lifted his hand to brush her cheek. She closed her eyes briefly at the touch, leaning into it.

"Is there anything I _wouldn't_ do for you?"

Rachel giggled, sending sparks of joy into his heart and when he took his hand away she grabbed it immediately and laced their fingers together.

"No, I don't think so."

"Exactly." he nodded and started to get up, pulling her with him. "Now go and get ready. Pack an overnight bag, just in case. I'll take care of everything."

She jumped to her feet and hugged him right away, pressing her face to his shoulder.

"Thank you, Dick."

He returned the hug and squeezed her tighter, smiling.

"Anything for my little girl."

* * *

Within the next two hours they were already in the air, on their way to Detroit. Rachel had her seat by the window, with Dick sitting right next to her. She propped her chin up on her hand and kept her eyes on the clouds, lost in her thoughts. Deep in her gut she knew she wanted to go, needed to do this, but she was beyond nervous. It was the first time she was going to see her hometown since that day. And she wasn't sure she was ready for that. But at the same time something was pulling her to this place, to the ghost of a woman who might not have been her blood but was a mother to her in every other way. Her guilt was another thing - she had been so wrapped up in her current life (a much better life, she couldn't deny it) that she didn't spare a single thought to what was before.

She let out a bitter sigh. This was how she could separate her fifteen years of life into fragments. Before and after.

 _Before_ she had her powers and _after_.

 _Before_ Melissa died and _after_.

 _Before_ she met Dick and _after_.

 _Before_ she fought Trigon and _after_.

All of these intertwined with each other in some way, linked like pieces of a chain. Funny how each one of these events was so altering that her life took a complete turn whenever they happened. A full one-eighty, every single time. Yet without those experiences she wouldn't be who she is now. She wouldn't be her true self.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she heard Dick say to her quietly and she turned to find him observing her. As usual, a shadow of worry crept behind his eyes and she gave him a warm smile to ease his nerves.

"I guess I'm just nervous, you know?" she breathed out, leaning back in her seat. "Not just because of this anniversary. I never thought I'd be coming back to this place."

"That's understandable." he nodded slowly, then took her hand in his. "But don't worry, I'll be right next to you every step of the way. And if you feel like it's too much and you wanna leave - just say it, okay?"

"Okay." she replied and squeezed his hand, feeling beyond grateful for his presence. She wouldn't be able to do this without him. 

A deep voice of their captain announced through the speakers that they were ready to land. Rachel took a deep breath as she fastened her seatbelt. There was no going back now, she knew that. Yet her insides still twisted into tight knots. 

But then her and Dick's eyes met again and all weight was lifted. He was here with her. He got her back. She wasn't alone. With him at her side she was never going to be alone again.

* * *

Dick rented a car online so it was already waiting for them at the airport. The road went by pretty quickly, three hours felt like a blink of an eye when you're immersed in a conversation about everything and nothing with your favourite person in the world. Rachel knew what Dick was trying to do - this was a way to distract her, to keep her mind from overthinking everything about this day and this trip. She couldn't help but feel a bit nostalgic though. Just the two of them, in a car, driving through a middle of nowhere for miles upon miles - it took her back to their beginning, their first few days together.

It was their first anniversary as well, after all.

She took a closer look at him, studying him during one of the quiet moments, when their words slowly faded out and the only sounds surrounding them were roars of the engine and quiet tones of music coming from the radio. A year ago she would've felt awkward, not knowing what to do with the weight of this silence between them. But now it was nothing. They could just simply be, together yet apart, and it was the most normal, natural thing in the world. 

He seemed to be relaxed. His gaze was fixed on the road, a muscular arm rested comfortably on the steering wheel, fingers unconsciously tapping out the rhythm of the song currently playing on the radio. But there were little things she wouldn't be able to notice a year ago, yet now she saw them clearly. 

Eyes fixed on the landscape in front of them, but not seeing, lost in thought. Jaw clenched so tight she could almost hear the sound of teeth grinding and bones cracking. All of the arm muscles only seem relaxed, but were actually tense, taut as a string. His fist clamped around the gear lever so tight the knuckles turned white as a sheet of paper.

Rachel didn't need her powers to know what he was thinking about.

It was scary to open up about these events to him. She never spoke about what happened that day, how she felt, how it affected her. But telling him felt… good. Refreshing. Liberating in a way. She trusted Dick with her life, with her heart and soul. It was time to trust him with her past as well. 

The thing is… Her past wasn't very colourful. She didn't have what most would call _a normal, happy childhood_. And the last thing she wanted was to add more weight to his concerns. He was already worrying about her so much she was afraid he's gonna go grey before turning forty. Should she share some of this baggage with him? He felt like the only right person to do so. 

A yellow school bus, old, rusty and filled to the brim with students passed by them in an opposite direction, bringing another memory to the forefront of Rachel's mind. She tracked the vehicle in the side mirror until it disappeared from her view, then started talking before she could stop herself, continuing her story. 

"I remember this one guy picking on me on the bus ride." she said slowly, catching Dick's attention. He glanced at her briefly, schooling his features to look more neutral, but a mix of compassion and worry was radiating from him. She caught his gaze, then looked back through the window, shrugging. "I was expecting this, waiting for the blow to happen. Just like every other day. No mercy for freaks, right?"

Her bitter laugh was like fire to his gasoline. Tension escalated inside the car - she figured it was gonna happen. Dick didn't say a word but just by looking at him she knew how angry her statement made him - not at her, but at her situation, at that boy, at the unfairness of it all. His lips were pressed into thin line as he breathed through his nose, his grip on the steering wheel so tight he could break it if he wanted to. She decided then she wasn't going to share what else that boy called her, what he _insinuated_ \- she knew too damn well what Dick Grayson was capable of when he was furious, especially when it came to her wellbeing. And she wasn't going to bring that rage and violence back to him when he worked so hard to get rid of it. 

"I simply ignored him, like I always did." she said instead. "But when he didn't stop, this other guy - Matt - stood up and told him to back off. They even had a fight over it, threw some punches." She looked down at her hands, reaching for her ring again and twisted it around her finger. "I wanted to thank him later when I saw him, but… he ignored me."

She would keep talking but when she looked up her eyes caught sight of a familiar road sign. Big bold letters screamed _Welcome to Traverse City_ at her, causing her breath to hitch in her throat. Her heartbeat sped up, hammering against her ribs. 

She felt Dick's fingers curl around hers when he took her hand. She turned her head towards him and saw him staring at her affectionately with a warm, comforting smile dancing on his lips.

"It's gonna be okay." he simply said before looking back at the road. Rachel nodded and squeezed his hand, then also turned her attention to the city around them.

It felt weird, being back here. She recognized streets, buildings, yet at the same time everything seemed foreign and unknown. They were heading towards a cemetery that belonged to the church she and Melissa attended - which was on the other side of the city. Rachel's heart made a quick jump in her chest when they drove past her old high school and for a second she thought she recognized some faces. 

After a while their surroundings started to become more and more familiar. A small park with a playground she used to visit when she was little. A hospital her mom worked at. An old library she used to hide at after school, doing homework or just reading. 

Then they took a turn left. Then right. Drove ahead for a few minutes, then took another turn left and Rachel's heart started beating with a speed of mockingbird's wings. She glanced at Dick - he was switching his gaze between the road and his phone, checking the map. So it wasn't on purpose. Couldn't be - he would tell her. But she knew this road, this street they just entered, like the back of her hand. She'd recognized the houses, could still name the people who lived in them. 

And then she saw it. They were still few houses away from it, but she recognized it anyway. How could she not?

White fence and railing on the porch. Painted mint-green wooden facade. That rusty mailbox on a stick, now fallen over.

"Dick, can you-" she choked out, her throat feeling dry. "Can you stop the car?"

He parked by the sidewalk and turned the engine off, then basically pinned her down to her seat with his alarmed gaze.

"What's wrong?"

"This… this is my street." She gasped, then raised her hand to point at the house few yards away on the other side of the road. "And that is my old house."

* * *

He really didn't plan this, only followed directions on the map. The city was huge, so Dick didn't even think they might drive through the street Rachel used to live on.

She was pale as a sheet. Her eyes were wide open, mouth slightly parted. Her trembling hand was still hanging in the air, index finger pointing right at the small mint-green house on the left side of the street.

Rachel looked like she had just seen a ghost, and in a way that is what happened. It was the place that she spent her childhood in. It's where her mother died.

He turned his gaze to the house. The facade was deteriorating due to passage of time and weather, paint peeling off in several places. There was graffiti on one of the walls. Several rungs were missing from the fence on the front porch and all windows were partially boarded up. Rotting autumn leaves covered every scrap of the front lawn.

The house had long been abandoned. 

The city maybe even have tried to sell it at some point, but no one seemed to want to live in a place where someone was recently murdered.

The car door slammed shut, and by the time Dick realized what was happening, Rachel was already crossing the street.

"Rach, wait!" he called, running after her.

She got there and stopped on the sidewalk, just staring at the dilapidated building. Her eyes absorbed all imperfections, her mind probably comparing this image with the memories she had. Without taking her eyes off the front door, the girl stepped forward and nearly fell over, stumbling over an old mailbox. Dick grabbed her at the last moment, gripping her shoulders.

"Are you sure you want to go inside?" he asked carefully. 

"No… I don't know." she answered softly and looked at him. Tears glistened in her eyes. "But I have a feeling that I will regret it if I don't."

He held her gaze for a moment, then nodded and straightened his back, offering her his hand. 

"Together?" 

Rachel's face lit up with a smile as she entwined her fingers with his. "Together."

They walked through the lawn and stepped on the front porch. Something cracked under his boot when they reached the door and when he looked down he saw the remnants of flower bouquets, long withered and dried. Looking around, Dick noticed that there was a lot more - rotten flower debris and shattered glass of grave candles were scattered all over the porch.

A memorial, he guessed.

Since neither of them had the key Dick worked quick to pick the lock and soon the door opened with a creak. Rachel hesitated at first, but then drew in a sharp breath and walked inside, Dick following right behind her.

Daylight flooded the dark vestibule, and a slight breeze lifted up clouds of dust from every surface. Dense cobwebs were wrapped around the railing of the stairs leading to the second floor. Rachel walked in like she was hypnotized while he paused in the narrow hallway and looked around.

There was a hanger by the front door, which still had two coats and a hat on it. Shoes were scattered on the small cabinet below and on the floor as well, including worn out blue sneakers with trails of black marker on the sides. There were few cheap paintings in plastic frames on the walls. 

This house was a real time capsule.

Going in deeper, Dick couldn't help but think so. Everything looked as if the owner was going to come back any second. Whole house felt as if time had stopped the moment Rachel left and never came back. Until now.

Following her footsteps Dick entered a small living room and the first thing that caught his eye was a slightly overwhelming amount of religious objects - a large painting showing biblical scenes hanging above an old TV, a rosary abandoned on a coffee table, crosses and statues of saints standing on a cupboard by the window - and among them, along with some unopened mail, empty containers of sleeping pills. And not just any pills - despite the pass of time, Dick managed to read the name on one of them. Amitriptyline, an antidepressant drug.

The detective's instincts kicked in immediately, but Dick managed to restrain himself. He wasn't here to initiate an investigation. But he couldn't stop the flow of thoughts that had already begun to connect facts, build a theory, and weave his own web of events.

Rachel was sitting in the kitchen by the remains of a shattered glass table, holding a picture of her mother in her hands. She must have taken it off the fridge, which still had a lot of other photos hanging on its doors. He made his footsteps be heard, letting her know he was approaching, then rested his hands lightly on her shoulders and leaned in to kiss the top of her head.

"Are you holding on?" he asked, looking down at Melissa Roth's face. Now that he could take a better look, he had to admit - despite not sharing the same DNA, mother and daughter looked very much alike. Black hair, light blue eyes, similar nose shape. No one who didn't know the truth had been able to question anything.

"Yeah." Rachel sighed, but couldn't hide the tremble in her voice. "I'm trying to remember her face. In case I..." she trailed off and bowed her head. She didn't have to finish though - Dick knew what she meant.

"Take the photo with you." he prompted and walked slowly around her. 

"That's the plan."

He took a closer look at the photos on the fridge and felt a wave of warmth spreading over his heart. On each of them was Rachel - happy, little and innocent. She was grinning at him with that contagious childlike smile, even a few front teeth were missing. She must have been around seven years old. Dick couldn't help but laugh.

"Can I keep one too?" He asked while taking the photo in his hand then turned to show it to her. Rachel looked up and groaned, rolling her eyes. 

"Seriously?" 

"Oh c'mon!" he chuckled. "You look cute." 

She huffed and folded her arms over her chest, leaning back in her chair.

"Whatever. There are much better photos than this one, in an album. It should be somewhere upstairs."

Dick reached inside the inner pocket of his jacket to hide the photo when suddenly something caught his attention. To the right of the fridge, there was a large rusty brown stain on the floor. He could see that the tiles had been scrubbed, but the color was not completely washed off. His heart leapt into his throat. It looked like... 

"That's where she fell." Rachel said gravely, following his gaze. "When that man shot her."

He looked at her. She placed her hands flat on her lap, covering her mother's photo. Her eyes were fixed on the stain of blood against which he stood. 

"I came home from school, intending to apologize to her for my outburst in the morning. But he was already here. He made her admit she was not my mother and then shoved a bullet in her head, just like that - no speech, no announcement. It went right through. Here. "

She pointed to her own forehead, tapping a finger on the red crystal. A tear rolled down her cheek and his heart howled with sorrow. 

"Rach..." he whispered, taking a step forward, but she stopped him. 

"I screamed. It smashed that goddamn table to pieces." she continued, digging her boot into shards of glass on the floor. "I knocked him out and then ran away. Straight to the bus station." 

She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. She wiped her tears with her sleeve and a light, warm smile appeared on her face. 

"Thankfully I had enough money for a ticket to Detroit."

That little comment made him smile as well. A year ago, Rachel went through hell for the first time, but at the end of the day their paths crossed. How on earth, Dick had no idea, but he was so grateful it happened. 

He walked over to her, reached out to cup her face in his hands and placed a soft, tender kiss on her forehead. Then he rested his own against hers and whispered.

"Yeah. Thankfully."

They stayed like that for a while, trying to calm their raging emotions. Much was hidden behind their words, but there was no need to say it aloud. Once they have found each other, their lives changed for the better. And despite their flaws and mistakes, they were still by each other's side, tied forever by some invisible string. 

Rachel brushed her nose against his and smiled, then leaned away and wiped the rest of her tears away.

"Wanna see my old room?" 

"I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

"Wait a minute, the album should be here." Rachel told him at the top of the stairs before disappearing through the door to the right. He followed her and looked into the modestly furnished bedroom. It must have belonged to Melissa, the easiest way for him to recognize that was by the ubiquitous figurines of saints, religious pictures or The Bible lying on a wooden chest of drawers. There were also some framed photos of Rachel, mostly from when she was between seven to ten years old.

While she was going through the drawers, Dick took a step inside to examine the photo on the bedside table, when something else caught his attention, causing his insides to rise to his throat. He had some suspicions before, especially after Rachel had described Melissa's behavior to him, but he refused to believe them. He didn't want them to come true, because that would mean Rachel's childhood was more difficult than she had let on. But what he saw now basically confirmed his theory.

At least a dozen packages of various kinds of medication - most at the mirror on the dressing table, several on the bedside table. A dirty glass standing close enough to reach from the bed. And an empty bottle of white wine on the floor, its spilled contents staining the carpet under the bed.

"I found it!" Rachel's excited voice snapped him out of his reverie, and Dick swallowed hard, trying to silence the questions that raged in his head. The girl turned to him with a smile on her face and walked towards him as if she didn't see all these things at all. Or as if she didn't _want_ to see them. She just grabbed his arm and dragged him down the hall.

But the unpleasant tightness in his stomach did not go away, even in spite of her better mood. And when Dick saw the door to the second bedroom, the sensation was even stronger. 

His blood boiled.

Crosses. Small and large, plastic, metal and wooden. Crucifixes hung next to each other, in some places adjacent to the yet another set of biblical illustrations. It was like a shot from some horror film with a plot focused on possession and exorcism. From the perspective of a Christian fanatic whom Melissa Roth increasingly seemed to him, Rachel's powers might have been just that to her, no matter how much she actually knew about their origins. 

And in addition to all of that - two latches on the outer side of the door.

"What the..." he hissed under his breath, raising his hand towards them and running his fingers over them. Strong. Stainless enhanced steel. They must have cost a lot.

"It was my idea." Rachel said behind him, rushing to explain. She must have sensed his rage, he wasn't hiding it anyway. But for her sake, he tried to calm down, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. "When I was losing control, I started to hurt her. She tried to hide her wounds, but I knew. After one of my worst attacks when I was twelve, I gave her the thought of those locks."

He didn't want to turn to look at her, he was afraid to do so. The trembling in her voice, how faint and insecure it sounded, painted a perfect picture in his mind of what he could see. He didn't know if her soft tone was a reaction to his anger or to the painful memories of this view. Maybe both. Either way, he couldn't bear the despair on her face, her broken heart.

"And these crosses?" He asked instead, turning his gaze at them. He felt chills running through his whole body. 

"My mom thought their presence would calm me down." she muttered and stepped closer. His reserve broke and he took his eyes off the door to look at her. She tried to seem cheerful, but her smile did not reach her sad eyes. "It didn't really work, but she wouldn't let me take them off."

Holding the photo album against her chest with one hand, Rachel reached for the knob and pushed the door open. The time capsule came to Dick's head again, because the room was completely intact. A thick layer of dust covered every surface, but everything looked just like Rachel had left it. Bed made. Large, black headphones hung on its frame. Make-up products and brushes by the mirror. A pile of clothes on the armchair by the window. A few posters on the walls. Books and school textbooks on shelves. School notes, unfinished drawings, pencils and crayons scattered on the desk.

His anger instantly evaporated, replaced by a strange feeling of nostalgia. It was Rachel's room, every item told him that. This was where she grew up, played as a little kid, maybe even took her first steps. She must have had a crib here once, and the shelves were probably filled with toys instead of books. Here she did her homework, studied for tests. His heart clenched and he felt strangely overwhelmed with regret that he could not be an eyewitness to it all.

He joined her now and sat down beside her on the bed, ignoring another cloud of dust that rose into the air. Rachel rested her head on his shoulder and took hold of his arm, cuddling to him. 

"I know, nothing special." she sighed, looking around. "I was planning to change a little bit here. Repaint the walls, although I couldn't decide what color. I asked my mom for a new desk, because this one was old and damaged, and too small." 

"This looks nice too." he said gesturing around, then rested his cheek on top of her head. "It shows off your personality." 

"You think so?" 

"Of course!" he assured her and laced their fingers together. Rachel smiled at the gesture. 

"Mom used to say that too." 

"And what do you have there?" he asked after a while, nodding his head to the large brown leather book in her lap. 

"Nothing much… just a ton of embarrassing baby pictures." 

Dick laughed lightly and kissed her head. 

"You think I could take a look?" Rachel leaned away and gave him a big smile, opening the album on the front page. 

"You're the only one I trust enough to even show them… so yes, you can."

The first photo showed Melissa sitting in a rocking chair with baby Rachel in her arms. The child was wrapped in so many blankets that she was barely visible, but he managed to spot her little fist clutching her mother's finger. Below in the next one, the baby was shown in all her glory - Rachel was lying in a hospital crib, covered with a pink blanket, sleeping peacefully. This photo must have been taken shortly after her birth.

Questions resurfaced in Dick's mind, ones he had never looked for answers to before. How well did Melissa and Angela know each other? How much did Melissa know about Rachel's origin and destiny? Did she know the whole truth or only the most necessary facts? 

But he threw these thoughts away like a crumpled piece of paper, because his heart had grown tenfold at the sight of this picture. Rachel was so tiny here, so… delicate. A fluff of black hair covered her head. She was lying with her face turned to the side, a small hand pressed against her nose. Her lips were slightly parted and he could almost hear her soft, quiet breath. 

Suddenly his mind flashed to an image of himself holding her in his arms. He rocked her gently, humming softly the old lullaby his mother used to sing to him as a child. A tiny, chubby hand held onto his finger while big ocean-blue eyes stared at him as if he was the greatest wonder of the world, filling his heart with indescribable joy.

Dick shook his head and the vision faded to nothingness, though the joy in his heart remained. When he realized he'd grown speechless, he laughed lightly and hugged Rachel tighter, then pointed to the photo. "You were adorable." 

"Rather wrinkled." she replied looking down. "And as far as I know, also grumpy." 

"Impossible. You? Grumpy?" Rachel shot him a glare and snorted at the sight of his huge grin. Then she went on to other pages. 

The next photos turned out to be even better. Rachel as a toddler, holding onto the rungs of her crib and trying to take her first steps. As a 3-year-old, playing in the sand on the beach. At five, with a backpack on her back, ready for her first day in kindergarten. With each photo she grew in front of his eyes, and some part of him began to regret again that he had not been allowed to be a part of those moments.

For some photos Rachel told stories, such as how she nearly knocked over the Christmas tree under which she sat down. Or like the cat she was holding in her arms scratched her face right after taking the picture. Dick didn't know how much time they spent laughing so much that their stomachs ached.

But then he began to notice something disturbing. As Rachel in the photos grew older, the stories got shorter. There were a lot less photos from when she was ten, eleven, or twelve, but it was in those few shots that Dick saw a change taking place in her. Her clothes have lost color, more black has appeared. First blue highlights started marking her hair. The smile faded, it even looked somehow forced. 

Not wanting to ruin her good mood, he said jokingly. 

"The goth phase started quite early huh?" 

He hoped to amuse her. He had heard Gar and Jason or even Rose use the phrase more than once, and Rachel would either laugh or roll her eyes, depending on how she felt. Now, however, her smile faded as she glanced at the photo he had pointed to. She posed on it with her mother and the school principal, and in her hand she held a diploma. She was smiling, but her eyes showed that she wanted to run away from there. The tear at the bottom of her black dress was visible, though she tried to hide it.

"My powers fully activated that evening." she whispered, washing the smile from Dick's face. "I was ten years old." 

She was quiet for a moment, lost in thought. He pulled her back against him and hugged her tightly, but said nothing, giving her all the time she needed. Finally she took a deep breath and began to speak again. 

"I used to sing, you know? I didn't think I was very gifted, but I liked it. I signed up for a school talent show and this one girl was trying to sabotage my performance, that's why my dress is torn." she pointed with her finger at the place in the photo. "I didn't win, but neither did she. Except I was rewarded and she got nothing."

She ran her hand over the image, then closed the album and put it on the pillow next to her. She fell back into his arms right after. 

"I know, it's stupid. But kids are like that sometimes. She caught up with me later backstage and wanted to snatch my diploma out of my hand. I got angry. Very angry. More than I should've." 

Dick remembered what she had told him once, when they left Detroit, driving to Washington. 

_I didn't get too angry, or scared. Because bad things happened._

"You attacked her?" 

She nodded slowly.

"My reflection… it took control of me for the first time then. Before that, I only heard its voice in my head. It lunged at the girl and… If my mom hadn't shown up, I would have killed her. She spent a month in the hospital. I don't even remember what I did to her. They called it an accident. And mom… then everything changed. _She_ changed. "

She didn't need to explain, Dick understood. After that drinking and medication started. Distance and constant prayers. Rebellion and misunderstanding. 

He pulled her to his chest, pressing his lips to her forehead. She sobbed softly and put her arms around his waist. He held her tightly and rocked her slowly until her tears stopped flowing. 

"I'm sorry." he whispered in her ear, stroking her hair with his hand. 

"She wasn't a perfect mother, but I loved her." she mumbled against his chest. "And in spite of everything I still miss her." 

"I know this must be confusing." he said, trying to comfort her. "I can't tell you if it's good or bad. I can't figure it out myself. She hurt you with her behavior, I can't deny or ignore it. But she loved you in her own way and protected you till the very end." 

Rachel looked up at him with eyes full of tears. Dick felt his heart breaking. 

"So you're saying I should forgive her?" 

"It's only up to you, honey." he whispered, stroking her cheek. "I had a lot of Bruce-related baggage. It took me years to sort it all out, to understand him. You played a part in that, to be honest." 

She smiled slightly at his words.

"Maybe it will take you one evening. Maybe a few months or years. But someday that mess you have in your head when you think about her will get untied. You'll see."

Rachel nodded slowly and hugged him again. Holding her as tight as he could, he buried his face in her hair, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

He hated it when she suffered like this. She had to wrestle with these thoughts all the time, but she never said a word. It was one more trait they shared - they both preferred to fight their demons alone, instead of sharing their burdens with others.

Part of him also felt a burning anger towards Melissa. If he had been the one raising Rachel, he would never have allowed- 

Exactly. _If_ . But he was never given this chance. He was fifteen when she was born, same age she was now. The images he had seen in his mind before were only dreams. If he could, he would have jumped to 2005 and got her out of there, saving her from anything that her future held for her. But even if it is somehow possible, it would have serious consequences. So all he had left was to protect her _now_ , help her carry this traumatic baggage, and make sure that she grows into the strong and independent woman he could already see in her. 

Maybe he wasn't able to raise Rachel from the very beginning. But it's never too late to start, is it? 

"Can we go now?" she asked softly, stirring in his arms. "I have yet to buy flowers for her grave. And I don't want to be here anymore." 

He dropped another kiss on her head. 

"Of course. Do you want to take anything?" 

She pulled away from him and wiped away her tears while letting out a sniffle. She looked slowly around the room until her eyes fell on the photo album. She picked it up and stroked the leather cover with her hand. 

"Just this. I don't need anything else from here."

* * *

Rachel held the photo album tightly in her arms as they gathered to leave. She took one last look around the family home, trying to remember it as accurately as possible. She was never going to come back here, she didn't even want to come back, but she wanted to keep this memory, this little piece of her past. She took a deep breath and relaxed her shoulders, then stepped over the threshold and out into the cool autumn air. 

She stood to the side and waited for Dick to lock the door again. When he finished, he wrapped his strong arm around her and pulled her to his side, then they headed to the car together. 

"Rachel Roth, is that you sweetie?" A foreign voice behind them stopped them in place and they both turned abruptly. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that Dick's right hand quickly but discreetly wandered over to a gun he kept on his back under his shirt, tucked in the waistband of his black jeans. She stopped him, however, by placing a hand on his chest as she recognized the person approaching them. 

"Mrs. Turner? Yes, it's me!" She left the album on the hood of their car and, smiling, ran to the older, tall woman with honey-brown hair sprinkled with gray. "Nice to see you again."

The woman gave her a warm smile and took her hands. 

"Where have you been, child? It's been so long... And who is this handsome man?" 

Rachel turned and waved to Dick, gesturing him to come over to them. He stood there with a focused (and slightly puzzled) expression, alert as ever, but he moved towards them anyway. 

"Dick! This is Mrs. Turner. She was my mom's friend and sometimes my nanny when I was little." 

Dick shook Mrs. Turner's hand and gave her his most charming smile. Rachel had to try very hard not to roll her eyes. It's that smile that _makes your knees go weak_ , as Kory once put it. There had to be something to it though, because even Mrs. Turner, who was already in her sixties, blushed. 

"Dick Grayson." he introduced himself. "I am her… I'm her legal guardian." 

Rachel was too tired to think about the strange pause in his voice.

"Legal guardian?" the woman was surprised, giving her a approving look. "Nice. And please, call me Elaine." 

Then she took her hands again.

"Where did you disappear to? And how _this_ -" she pointed a finger at her and Dick. "-happened?"

Rachel chuckled and squeezed Elaine's hand. 

"It's a long story. I've traveled around the country a bit. Now I live in San Francisco, but I met Dick in Detroit. I ran away there after my mom died and I got into some trouble, but he saved me." 

"I see…" Elaine nodded, but then her smile faded and her eyes filled with sadness. "It's because of your mom that you're here today, isn't it?"

"Yes." she sighed. "It's been a year."

"I'm so sorry, honey." the woman said and hugged her lightly. "How are you doing?" 

"Good. I have a new family. A big one. They help me a lot." 

"We look after her as best as we can." Dick added with a proud smile on his lips as he put his hand around Rachel's shoulders. "She is the apple of our eye." 

He winked at her and squeezed her tighter, and Rachel, laughing, nestled against his side, her hand wrapped around his waist. Mrs. Turner gave them a warm smile and a knowing look. 

"Hmm, yours for sure." she said to Dick and then looked him in the eyes and raised her index finger to his face. She was small, only a few inches taller than Rachel, but could be intimidating. "You better take good care of her, Mr. Grayson, or you'll have God's wrath upon you."

He looked surprised, but she didn't scare him. Rachel, on the other hand, had to mask her burst of laughter with a cough.

"I'll remember that ... Elaine." 

Ugh, his charm again. He was abusing it too much for her taste. But at least that softened - and apparently pleased - Mrs. Turner.

"Good. Are you leaving already?"

"We're going to the cemetery, I want to visit her grave." Rachel explained. "She's buried in our church's graveyard, right?" 

"Yes. In the eastern part." the woman confirmed. "A green marble gravestone - the whole street put money into it - you will definitely not miss it." 

"Thank you, Mrs. Turner." Rachel hugged her old friend again. 

"I'm glad you got out of here and found happiness." the woman whispered in her ear. "I always said Traverse wasn't a place for you… and it looks like you've hit the jackpot in Detroit." 

Rachel smiled and pulled away.

"Yes ... It looks like it." 

She walked back to Dick, took his arm, and waved Mrs. Turner goodbye as they made their way to the car. 

"It was nice to see you again, Rachel!" the woman called as they got in. 

"You too!" She waved at her one last time, and as Dick turned the engine on and they started off, Rachel heard her voice again.

"May God keep you safe, my dear!"

  
  


* * *

She bought a bouquet of white roses from a small flower shop near the church. She wanted to get this over with but froze as Dick parked the car at the cemetery's main gate. He turned off the engine but waited for her to make the first move and open the door. 

It's been already an emotional day - Rachel felt mentally exhausted. Her head ached from crying, but fresh tears still lurked somewhere behind her eyes. The visit to the house brought to the surface of her consciousness a whole lot of memories, some good and cherished, but also those she wanted to bury once and for all in the darkest corners of her mind. Was she ready to stand in front of the grave of a woman who cared for and raised her as her own child from the day she was born, but at the same time caused her so much pain with her ignorance and prejudice? Rachel wasn't sure. But she didn't want to back out when she was so close. She had traveled across almost entire country for that. She couldn't chicken out now.

Dick shifted in his seat and reached for her hand, squeezing it comfortingly. 

"We can go back if you don't want to-" 

"No." she cut him off and turned to him, giving him a weak smile. "Let's go. It's now or never." 

"Okay." 

They got out of the car and entered the cemetery side by side. The area was huge but her legs knew where to lead her, she knew the place very well. She had no other family members here, but she used to like to hang out here alone sometimes when she finished school early and mom was still at work. 

She was so deep in thought that she would have missed the gravestone had Dick not tugged lightly on her arm. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of the small, rectangular plate of dark green marble and the words carved in it. She squeezed the roses in her hand so tightly that one thorn pierced her skin and sent a tiny drop of blood on the ground. She didn't even feel the prick, too focused on what was in front of her.

_Beloved mother_

_Melissa Roth_

_1973 - 2019_

Next to the words carved in the stone was a picture, the same one Rachel had taken from the house. Her mother smiled brightly at her. In the last months of her life, this smile was very rare. The woman in the picture seemed to be calling Rachel, pulling her towards her with an imaginary rope. 

She moved forward as if on autopilot. The comforting touch of a hand vanished from her back, which meant Dick stayed behind, giving her some space and privacy. She was grateful for that, she didn't want him to see how much all of it hurt her, but on the other hand, she would rather have him beside her. She glanced at him over her shoulder - he wasn't far away, only a few feet from her, with his hands in his pockets, ready to come any minute if he had to. He gave her a reassuring smile and nodded wordlessly, letting her know that he wasn't going anywhere. He knew her better than anyone else, he knew what she was most afraid of.

Releasing the air from her lungs in a long exhale, Rachel walked over to the grave and knelt in wet grass. She placed the roses on one side and ran her hand over the stone slab, brushing her fingers over the letters and the picture. She wanted to say something, but her vocal cords refused to obey. Her throat squeezed painfully and her heart was beating so fast it could have sprang out of her chest at any moment, breaking her ribs and tearing her flesh open. Eventually, however, after a few minutes of silence, her voice returned. 

"Hi, Mom." she said quietly. Her voice was weak and shaky, but she continued. "It's been a while, huh?"

A sudden gust of cold wind blew her hair over her face. She tucked it behind her ears and wrapped her arms around herself as the chill seeped through her body. She wished she had taken a jacket with her. Dick's hoodie was left in the car. She had already forgotten how cold it could get here sometimes. 

Trying to ignore the chills, she spoke again. 

"I'm sorry I was gone for so long. A lot has happened… I'm fine, I'm not alone. I have friends, a family that cares about me and accepts me as I am."

Tears welled up in her eyes, and it was useless to try to hold them back. In contact with the wind, they were like needles of ice on her skin. But she didn't brush them away, she let them fall onto the dusty marble. 

"Now I know who I am and where I come from. I have full control of my abilities. And I'm proud of myself because of it. I hope you would be proud of me too." 

She could feel Dick's gaze on her, his eyes drilling holes in the back of her skull. Maybe he wasn't standing right next to her, but knowing that he was close, that he was by her side was heartening. Rachel smiled through her tears. 

"You know, I have mixed feelings about this day." she admitted. "After losing you, I was left with nothing. There was no one to take care of me. I thought it was the worst day of my life. But… but on that same day something wonderful happened. You'd probably call it a miracle."

She sniffed and took a deep breath, then smiled widely, feeling warmth inside her heart. 

"You probably wouldn't believe me, but… I found him, mom. I found the boy from the circus." her voice trembled again, the last word vanished in the howling of the wind. "He's real. And he's here with me now… His name is Dick Grayson. He saved me that day, and he's been doing it every single day since then, even today. He took me in, though he didn't have to. He gave me protection, safety, a loving family. He fought for me from the moment he met me. He's my home. And… and _he loves me_ , mom. _All_ of me. " 

Tears now ran down her cheeks like waterfalls. She sobbed as shivers ran through her body. But this time she cried because of joy, not pain.

Thunder rumbled across the sky, foreshadowing an upcoming storm. First drops of rain fell on her face as she lifted it towards dark clouds, letting rain mix with her tears. 

"I know sometimes it was hard for you to love me." she said after a while, looking back at the gravestone. "Accepting who I really am wasn't easy for you. It hurt me, it still hurts, and maybe it will never stop. A parent should love their child unconditionally, even if the two don't share DNA. But… I'm slowly trying to understand you. Maybe someday I'll forgive you for it, some part of me has already done that. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here, would I?" 

The rain slowly started to increase, drops got bigger and the temperature dropped. Rachel stood up and dusted dirt and wet leaves off her knees.

"Whatever happened, you were and always will be my mother. And a part of me will always love you. You were far from perfect, but believe me - there are worse mothers. Now I have to go, but maybe someday I'll come back again. I don't know, I haven't decided yet. So… goodbye mom. " 

She turned and her eyes fell on Dick. He stood closer now, as if he wanted to walk up to her earlier, but stopped himself. His cheeks were wet, but she had a feeling it wasn't from the rain. He heard every word she said, she knew it. He took a step towards her, already reaching out to her with his arms and Rachel collapsed right into them, crying violently. He pressed her tightly to his broad chest, wrapping strong arms around her shoulders and waist. He dipped one hand into her hair and began stroking her gently, carefully separating tangled blue and black strands with his fingers. Rachel buried her face in his shirt and sobbed miserably as she cuddled herself even closer to him. 

"I love you." she whispered, tightening her arms around his waist. She wasn't sure if he heard her, because at that moment another thunder broke the silence surrounding them. But then Dick bowed his head and pressed a soft, tender kiss to her forehead, squeezing her even tighter.

"I love you too, baby girl." 

"Let's just go, okay?" she whined as she tucked her head under his chin. "I'm exhausted and I want to go home." 

"Our flight back isn't until tomorrow morning." he informed her, affectionately rubbing her back. Rain was starting to soak their clothes, but at this moment they didn't care. "But I still own that flat in Detroit, so we have somewhere to stay for the night." 

"Good." she said, stepping out of his embrace. He didn't let go of her though, not quite, his arm still wrapped around her shoulders, keeping her warm. "No crappy motels." 

Dick chuckled and turned them both towards the exit. 

"Yeah… Let's go back before you catch a cold in this rain."

  
  


* * *

They spent their way back to Detroit in silence, Rachel sitting with her eyes fixed on the window, listening to sounds of the rain and soon she fell asleep. When they got to the apartment, she smiled at the sight of dirty windows, mismatched furniture, a punching bag, and The Flying Graysons poster leaning against the wall. She was only here once, a year ago, and only for an hour or so while Dick was packing. Then they got into his silver Porsche and left the city behind. 

"Brings back memories, right?" Dick murmured as they entered, standing behind her back and placing his hands on her shoulders. She covered them with hers. 

"Yeah, it sure does…" then she turned her face to him and smiled. "Happy first anniversary." 

Dick laughed and kissed her forehead again.

"Happy first anniversary."

**Author's Note:**

> So what do you guys think?  
> I think it was very important to adress this issue, especially since the show brushed it off. And I got approached about once, a while ago, in a comment under one of my older fics.  
> You can clearly see in the pilot that Rachel's life pre-show was lonely and miserable, and Melissa wasn't a very good mother - she tried to be for sure, but failed in the end. There's a lot we still don't know, the questions are stated in the fic. Maybe we'll find the answers someday, I hope.  
> A lot of Rachel's internal dilemma about forgiving her mother was inspired by my own personal struggle.  
> I sincerely hope I haven't caused anyone unnecessary pain - I just wanted to adress this the way the show should do, maybe start a conversation, and - as usual - write a story about the importance of found family, with love and care and my two favorite characters sharing personal experiences and strengthening their bond. I hope I made them justice.
> 
> Kudos and comments as always appreciated. Take a peek at my other Titans works. And if you wanna talk, come say hi on my Tumblr - @not-so-mundane-after-all-97.  
> See you soon (with much lighter, fluffier story) !  
> BYE!


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